The Suffocation of Wanting To Do EVERYTHING
WOW. I really should have gotten back here soon. I don't really know why not? The moment I'm here writing on neocities' html writer I immediately feel better. It's not like I had nothing to say, either. I think I was successfully gobbled up by social media's black hole again. I got a glimpse of breath, and now I feel clarity. Hopefully I can come back sooner!
That being said though, I have so much to talk about that I might write them out over a few days. So much has happened since I wrote last, and I really want to put them into writing.
First off, I've found myself in a semi-comfortable position. I have a regular job contracting for a company, and I've started to pick up a skill I've really wanted to learn (romhacking), and the wiki I've been making for the romhack I love is starting to really come into a beautiful shape. For the last one, I'm so thankful for the help I was able to gather, without them it would have taken me years to do alone, just to get it to the state it's in now. Lich, if you somehow stumble upon this, I hope all my thanks come through.
That's enough sentimentality though. I've recently been put into a conundrum my ADHD brain hates: decision. Specifically, decision on what to DO with all my free time that isn't just lying in bed doomscrolling on Youtube shorts. I didn't expect it to be so hard to choose, and it's so hard because I love all these hobbies equally. Though, I'd be lying if I said they were only each other's competition. Like any writer too, I have a BUNCH of backburner works-in-progress, all of which I wanna develop. I wanna play D&D more too, because I've barely gotten the chance to over the past few years. There's also plenty of real life stuff that I want to start to: getting insured, donating unused books in my house, some commission backlogs I need to stop doing bit by bit.
Being in my early 20s, I can definitely tell that this is the time where I can start settling in something. I think there's a lot of anxiety that comes to committing, because the truth too is that I can't commit to everything. If someone were to ask me what superpower I'd want, after serious consideration I want to never have the need for sleep. That is, have my body function perfectly without ever needing to sleep. After all, you sleep for a THIRD of the day! That's a third you can do a bunch of things you love.
Maybe I'll figure out after writing this post what I wanna do. Whether that's for right after writing, or for the rest of my life. I know that life isn't static though, so regardless of what happens I look forward to what I do.